


Sturm Und Drang

by dsa_archivist



Category: due South
Genre: F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1999-05-10
Updated: 1999-05-10
Packaged: 2018-11-10 19:29:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11133234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dsa_archivist/pseuds/dsa_archivist
Summary: This story is a sequel toIt's Probably Me.





	Sturm Und Drang

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Speranza, the archivist: this story was once archived at [Due South Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Due_South_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Due South Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/duesoutharchive).

Sturm Und Drang

# Sturm Und Drang
    
    
    By: Michelle Sinclair
    **Rated R(m/f sex).**
    
    I just can't seem to help myself, these things just enter my mind and
    I must share them with the world.  Just so you all know, the title 'Sturm
    Und Drang' is making a *very* oblique reference to the phase of German
    literature at the end of 18th century, known as Storm and Stress (in
    German, Sturm und Drang).  Goethe and Schiller wrote in this style. 
    Writers of the Storm and Stress period were interested in the ideals
    of friendship, freedom, etc.  But actually, this is *just* a title I
    liked for the mere literal definition of the phrase and not the style
    of writing per se.  I hope I didn't lose y'all at the ranch!  
    
    **Last note: The events in this story come after a previous story entitled
    It's Probably Me'.  You may want to read that first, just to understand
    the references made to it, otherwise it's not too complicated to understand
    what's going on here.
    
                                 *****
                                Prologue
                                    
    Five months.  It seemed like an eternity to him.  But at long last it
    seemed his time in purgatory was over.  Detective Ray Vecchio was finally
    going back to work.  He never thought he'd miss it quite so much.  The
    only thing that had kept him sane during these long months of rehabilitation
    after he was almost shot to death by a lunatic ex-Mountie named Paul
    Granger had been his friend, Ben Fraser.
     
    Ray figured Ben's thoughtful devotion to him sprang from some 
    sense the Mountie had of being responsible for Ray's injuries.  In a
    way, he was right.  But then, Ray himself had been responsible for a
    good number of Ben's injuries so maybe they would be even one day.  However
    at this particular moment Ray was unwilling to dwell on the past five
    months and was glad to be driving that old, familiar route to Ben's shitty
    neighborhood.  Ben was already waiting down stairs for him, wearing that
    damned dress uniform.  
    
    "Good Morning Ray.  How are you feeling today?"
    
    "Fine, Benny.  Can't wait to get back to work though."
    
    "I would imagine that you would be anxious to return."
    
    "Yeah, never thought I'd miss it so much."
    
    "Well Ray, there is an old Inuit saying . . ."
    
    "Please Benny, it's my first day back, can we hold off on the Inuit
    stories for at least an hour?"
    
    "Certainly Ray, I didn't realize the level of discomfort they caused
    you," Ben said this as he watched Ray shift and squirm in the seat
    next to him.
    
    "It's not the stories Fraser, I'm just not used to being behind
    the wheel." 
    
    "Ah, I see, your injuries are still causing you physical discomfort.
    Perhaps it is too soon . . . "
    
    "No, it's nothing.  I'm sorry I mentioned it.  So, you want me to
    drop you off at the consulate or what?"  Fraser didn't respond.
    "Benny?  Hello?  You want me to take you to the consulate or no?"
    
    "Um . . . yes, I suppose."
    
    "You suppose?  What's that mean?"
    
    "Ray, I have found that it is becoming increasingly difficult to
    work alongside Inspector Thatcher."
    
    "Ah, The Dragon Lady finally getting to you, huh?"
    
    "Getting to me?  I imagine that's one way of putting it." 
    
    "What's she doing, Fraser?  Riding you pretty hard?"
    
    "Ray!  I hardly think that is an appropriate statement for you to
    say to me in regards to my relation to my superior officer."  Ben
    was turning a lovely shade of red that matched his uniform almost perfectly.
    
    "Whoa!  Calm down Bento!  Hey, there isn't something going on between
    you and her, is there?  You wouldn't hold out on me Benny, would ya?"
    
    "No Ray, there is nothing going on.  It's just . . . these dreams
    I've been having."
    
    "Ahhhh, I got ya.  You're having X-Rated dreams about boss lady
    and it's getting you all hot under the collar."
    
    "Yes."  They pulled up to the consulate.
    
    "Well, maybe one day you should just throw yourself across her desk
    and make her an offer she can't refuse."
    
    "I'll take it under consideration Ray.  Have a good day back at
    the station.  I'll come by later to see you."
    
    "All right Benny.  See ya then."  
                                 
    
    
    			    Part I
                                 *****
                     You ever love someone so much
                     You thought your little heart 
                         Was gonna break in two
                           I didn't think so
               You ever try with all your heart and soul 
                     To get your lover back to you
                           I'm gonna hope so
              You ever pray with all your heart and soul 
                       Just to walk to walk away
                        Baby did a bad bad thing
                        Baby did a bad bad thing
                        Baby did a bad bad thing
                           I feel like crying
                              -Chris Isaak
                 Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing'-Forever Blue
                                    
    Ben got out of the Riv, and headed inside.  It was fairly early at the
    consulate.  Blissful quiet saturated the place.  Ben breathed a sigh
    of relief.  Meg wasn't there yet.  Perhaps he could try to avoid her
    altogether.  Ever since they kissed for the second time when Raywas still in a coma and Granger was still on the loose and Ben's
    life was in danger, it was torment to be near her.  She had seemingly
    erased the entire incident from her memory.  He longed to be able to
    do the same.  But he couldn't.  He ached for her.  Every time she was
    near him was sheer agony because he had to bury his feelings deep within.
    But being apart was no easier.  The longing was even greater then.  He
    would lie in bed at night thinking of her.  Dreaming of her.  Wanting
    her.  Needing her.  Knowing that he would never have her.  He let out
    a moan, low and resonant.  He didn't know if he could go on like this
    much longer.  He actually was considering asking for a transfer.  Perhaps
    with time and distance he could forget.  But the truth of it was, he
    didn't want to forget.  
    
    "Constable."  There was that voice.  As calm and cool as ever.
    Not a trace of emotion.  Not a glimmer of what he heard in her voice
    that night when she came to his apartment.  "Constable," she
    said again, as he did not respond the first time.
    
    "Ma'am.  Forgive me I was . . . daydreaming."
    
    "Well, stop it. Don't you have something to do?"
    
    "Yes ma'am."  He watched her go into her office.  He felt a
    pang of anguish rip into his soul. 
    
    She apparently felt nothing for him.   
    
    Throw himself across her desk . . . constable, you're disturbing my files
    . . . but Meg I lo--
    
    . . . don't you have work to do constable? ....Yes ma'am
                                 			      *****
                         You ever toss and turn
         You're lying awake and thinking about the one you love
                            I wanna think so
                       You ever close your eyes 
             You're making believe you're holding the one 
                           You're dreaming of
                           Well if you say so
                  It is so bad when you finally know 
                 Just how low low low low low she'll go
                        Baby did a bad bad thing
                        Baby did a bad bad thing
                        Baby did a bad bad thing
                           I feel like crying
                              -Chris Isaak
                 Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing'-Forever Blue
                                    
    A turbulent thunder storm raged on this oddly warm spring night.  Although
    the room was quite warm, Ben felt a strange impression 
    of cold rush through his body.  It was an emptiness, which he 
    understood.  He used to feel this way when he missed Victoria.  He never
    truly understood why he loved her so much, after all, she
    caused him so much pain.  But he never questioned it.  The love just
    existed, as if in a vacuum.  Nature abhors a vacuum, and therefore, for
    that reason, the love was foreordained to perish.  
    
    The emptiness was caused by his desire for his Inspector.  It was wrong,
    he knew, to want her so much.  But he couldn't help himself.  He couldn't
    fight the feelings.  Especially not at 2 A.M.. 
    
    He should try to sleep, but it was a futile attempt really.  He also
    didn't want to dream about her again.  It would only make the next day
    at the consulate even harder to endure.  Although he realized that not
    sleeping at all was an illogical resolution to the dilemma, it was nonetheless
    the only viable one he could come up with.   He heard something in the
    hall.  Soft footsteps.  A soft rap on his door.  Who could that be at
    2 A.M.?  Mr. Mustafi perhaps.  Maybe there was some kind of emergency.
    He sprang out of bed and opened his door.  There *she* stood.  It was
    dark and he could barely see her in the shadows.  But he knew it was
    she. He felt a tumult of passion swell within.  
    
    "Inspector."  It was barely a whisper.
    
    "I didn't know . . . did I wake you?"
    
    "No.  Come in . . . "
    
    "No.  This . . . I shouldn't have come . . . a mistake." 
    
    "Ma'am, are you all right?"
    
    "Yes.  No.  I don't . . . "
    
    "Come inside."  She did, he closed the door behind her.  He
    went to turn on the light, only his small lantern burned to illuminate
    the room and it was still so hard to see her.
    
    "No!" she insisted, grabbing his arm so he couldn't go to the
    light. 
    
    "But I can't . . . "
    
    "Don't.  Ben.  I...I don't know why I'm here."
    
    "Are you hurt?  Is that it?  Did something happen?"  He was
    afraid suddenly because he could tell she was trembling.  Ugly thoughts
    entered his mind, what if someone had . . .
    
    "No. I was . . .  there was a . . . noise . . . next door.  I couldn't
    stand it.  I had to leave."
    
    "A prowler?  Did you call the police?  Perhaps I should go there
    and--" 
    
    "Not a prowler.  I could hear . . .  The couple next door . . .
    they were . . . "    
    
    He didn't comprehend why she came to his place.  So she heard a 
    couple having sex and decided to pay him a visit at 2 A.M.?  
    
    "Ah," was all he said.
    
    "Ben?"
    
    "Yes?"
    
    "Can we forget who we are for one night?  Can we just-- can we be
    other people besides Thatcher and Fraser?"
    
    "I--I don't know."
    
    "Can't we just be Meg and Ben and have each other like that?  I
    feel so alone, Ben."
    
    He put his arms around her.  She did likewise and he held her against
    him and it felt so right. 
    
    He looked down at her, "We can try."
    
    He pressed his lips into hers.  Her mouth was soft and alive and hot
    and wet and tasted so good.  He felt her body press into his.  He felt
    himself grow harder still (if that was possible) and he wanted her, to
    be inside of her now, at that moment.  But he didn't want to rush it.
    He had waited so long for this.  He wanted to make sure she was 
    burning for him as hotly as he burned for her.  
    
    "Ben.  Please."  He picked her up and lay her down on his bed.
    He could finally really see her face, lit up by the lantern. She looked
    beautiful to him.  He kneeled down in front of her and began to slowly
    unbutton her blouse.  He slid it off her shoulders.  He knelt forward
    to kiss the exposed part of her breasts.  He was removing her bra and
    she was letting him.  There was no talking.  There didn't need to be.
    She lie back and he slid her skirt of and then his boxers and her panties
    and gently, carefully, as if afraid to scare her or hurt her, he entered
    her.  She let out a soft murmur.  He was so strong, she could feel the
    power that was at the core of his being.  It frightened her just a little.
    But his silky touch assuaged her fear and she let herself get lost in
    the gush of lust and love that swept them both under.  She might drown
    in it, in this, she realized.  She felt the low, dull,  initial stirring
    of orgasm pulsate deep within her.  "Ben," she said, as a plea
    that begged for him to never let this end.
    
    "Meg," was the response she got, in a low husky voice that
    sent shivers down her body.  The fervor and intensity of their lovemaking
    continued to surge until both felt the release that came with orgasm.
    They lay physically spent in each others arms.  Their bodies were entangled
    and she could feel his hot breath against her neck.  
    
    "Promise you'll be here in the morning," she said softly, but
    urgently and fearfully.
    
    It was an odd thing to ask him, he thought.  Where would he go?  "I
    promise," he said and held her a little tighter.  
    
    He could scarcely believe that she was there, with him.  He had 
    dreamed about this so often. 
    
    Reality, though often disappointing compared to fantasy, was 
    somehow more fulfilling than his fancy had ever been.  She was 
    warm and supple and everything he had ever wanted.  She was 
    Meg.  He closed his eyes and slept fitfully, Meg enveloped in his arms,
    for the first time in months.    
                                  			     *****
             Turned On The Weather Man Just After The News
               I Needed Sweet Rain To Wash Away My Blues
              He Looked At The Chart But He Looked In Vain
                        Heavy Cloud But No Rain
                                 -Sting
               Heavy Cloud, No Rain'--Ten Summoner's Tales
                                    
    Weeks had passed since Ben and Meg's encounter of the romantic 
    kind.  While it had seemed that they had bridged the emotional gap that
    had been between them, the schism seemed wider since, than 
    it ever had before. On occasion he would catch a glance in his 
    direction that might be construed as something significant, he began
    to wonder what sort of game she was playing with him.  It wasn't that
    he expected to become her full time lover (though he hoped for that desperately).
    But he also did not expect to be wholly ignored.  He didn't want to press
    the situation either, for fear of driving a permanent wedge between them.
    The tension of the situation was building inside of him.  He had asked
    for Ray's advice (Ray, a friend of mine has this problem . . . what's
    the prob Benny? ...Well, he made love to his superior officer and she
    won't look him in the eye anymore . . . You fucked the dragon lady? ...never
    mind Ray).  He didn't know what to do.  But he had to do something. 
    Dammit, if she could come to his apartment at 2 A.M. and ask that they
    be 'just Ben and Meg', then he could go over to her place and demand
    equal treatment.  He left Dief slumbering on the bed and headed over
    to Meg's.  He would tell her how he felt.  Consequences be damned.
                                 *****
                                    
                            How many nights
                     Have I been lonely without you
                             I tell myself
                      How much I really don't care
                            How many nights
                     Have I been thinking about you
                          Wanting to hold you
                   But knowing you would not be there
                               This night
                              You're mine
                          It's only you and I
                             I'll tell you
                          To forget yesterday
                       This night we are together
                              -Billy Joel
                      This Night'--An Innocent Man
                                    
    Ben arrived at Meg's and rang the bell.  After about three minutes she
    answered the door. 
    
    When he said who it was she opened it, but left the chain on.
    
    "Constable, what are you doing here?  It's almost 3 A.M.."
    
    "I need to talk to you."
    
    "Now?  Can't it wait until I see you at the consulate?" 
    
    "No.  May I come in?"
    
    She breathed a sigh and reluctantly let him in.  "What is it you
    want, Fraser?"
    
    "Explanations."
    
    "Of what?"
    
    "I don't quite understand what we're doing here."
    
    "Talking, Fraser.  At 3 A.M. and I have to be at the consulate at
    7 A.M.." 
    
    "Don't play coy with me.  I want answers."
    
    "What are the questions?" she asked this carefully, because
    she knew the answers he wanted and she just couldn't give them to him.
    
    "Why Meg?  Why do you treat me like just some officer working for
    you?  I don't understand it. After what happened, I thought things would
    change." She couldn't say anything.  Her throat was constricted
    and the words wouldn't come.  She wished he'd just go, just leave her
    alone.  But then, somewhere deep inside, she wished he'd stay.  
                                    
                  EVERYBODY'S GOT A MILLION QUESTIONS
                   EVERYBODY WANTS TO KNOW THE SCORE
                         WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH 
                           IT'S SOMETHING YOU
                           SHOULD BE OVER NOW
                  EVERYBODY WANTS TO HEAR THE SECRETS
                   THAT YOU NEVER TOLD A SOUL BEFORE
                       AND IT'S NOT THAT STRANGE
                       BECAUSE IT WOULDN'T CHANGE
                          WHAT HAPPENED ANYHOW
               BUT YOU SWORE TO YOURSELF A LONG TIME AGO
        THERE WERE SOME THINGS THAT PEOPLE NEVER NEEDED TO KNOW
                       THIS IS ONE THAT YOU KEEP
                         THAT YOU BURY SO DEEP
                        NO ONE CAN TEAR IT OUT 
             AND ITS HARD TO BELIEVE AFTER ALL THESE YEARS
       THAT IT STILL GIVES YOU PAIN AND IT STILL BRINGS YOU TEARS
                       AND YOU FEEL LIKE A FOOL 
                     BECAUSE IN SPITE OF YOUR RULES
                          YOU'VE GOT A MEMORY
                      BUT YOU CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT
                   AND ISN'T THAT A KIND OF MADNESS 
                  TO BE LIVING BY A CODE OF SILENCE  
                  WHEN YOU'VE REALLY GOT A LOT TO SAY
    		- Billy Joel
              Excerpts from  Code of Silence'--The Bridge
                                    
    "Meg, please.  If you'll just talk to me and tell me what you're
    feeling. When you came to my place, you asked if we could be just Meg
    
    and Ben for the night.  Well, I'm asking you for the same consideration."
    
    "Ben.  It's not that easy.  I can't just spill out my heart to you."
    
    "It's not easy for me to be here either.  But I can't go on--we
    can't go on like this."
    
    "If I tell you, you have to swear . . . "
    
    "I'll never betray your confidence Meg."
    
    "It was so long ago.  I loved someone and he hurt me.  The reason
    I joined the RCMP was so I could have this . . . cloak to hide under.
    This air of power and control.  Don't misunderstand Fraser--Ben, I like
    working for the RCMP.  Love it actually, but at first it was a place
    where I could hide and be safe from . . . "
    
    "From whom?"
    
    "I grew up without a family, Fraser.  I had no one.  Not parents,
    or siblings. Alone.  No love."
    
    "That's a lonely way to grow up."
    
    "Yes, it is.  I looked for love anywhere and any way I could get
    it.  I had a string of abusive boyfriends.   If they beat me, it was
    okay, if they forced themselves on me, that was okay too.  I just wanted
    
    someone to say they loved me.  And they did and I believed it 
    because I needed something to believe."  She was weeping now in
    his arms.  He felt angry.  Angry that she had ever been hurt by 
    anyone. "I never tell anyone this because then they respect you
    less.  I'm not the person I was when I was younger. I'm stronger now
    and I can't let my need to be loved get in the way of that." 
    
    "Why does it have to?  You can be strong and still let someone love
    you.  You don't have to give your self up in order to give into love."
    
    "Who's going to love me Fraser?  You?"
    
    "If you'll let me.  I would never try to compromise your self identity.
    If you'll just let me love you Meg . . . "
    
    "It really isn't proper conduct, you know."
    
    "I know."
    
    "I don't care though. Do you?"
    
    "No. I don't care in the least."
    
    "Stay the night Fraser."
    
    "Is that an order ma'am?"
    
    "A request."
    
    "I'll stay."
    
    "Make love to me Ben--that's an order."
    
    "Yes ma'am."
                                 			      *****
                Some people stay far away from the door
                  If there's a chance of it opening up
                 They hear a voice in the hall outside 
                    And hope that it just passes by
                 I know you're only protecting yourself
                I know you're thinking of somebody else
                          Someone who hurt you
                           But I'm not above
                         Making up for the love
                You've been denying you could ever feel
                Some people say they will never believe 
                 Another promise they hear in the dark
                  Because they only remember too well 
                  They heard somebody tell them before
                Some people sleep all alone every night
                    Instead of taking a lover to bed
               Some people find that it's easier to hate 
                          Than to wait anymore
                  I'm not above being cool for awhile
                 If you're cruel to me I'll understand
                              -Billy Joel
           Excerpts from  An Innocent Man'--An Innocent Man
    1996 by M. Sinclair


End file.
